I come from a long line of achievers. My great-great-aunt was Margaret Fuller , a pioneer in the women’s suffrage movement. My grandmother (also Margaret Fuller) wore pants (literally…this is something very few of her peers were doing in the early 1950s) and volunteered alongside political candidates before my mom was born. My aunt was the first female Secretary of State in Rhode Island. My mom (also Margaret Fuller) was the first female partner at a major law firm in NYC and was part of a small group of lawyers who pioneered the use of mediation and arbitration as alternatives to court trials in family law and beyond.

So it’s not surprising that I, the firstborn in my family, seem to forever be unconsciously committed to excellence.

And it’s not surprising that my two daughters are too. One of them has Fuller as her middle name.

The commitment to excellence and the desire to achieve are not, in and of themselves, the problem. In fact, they are values that still matter deeply to me. The problem isn’t purpose, desire, or goal setting.

The problem lies in this:

When Margaret Fuller was 10 years old, she wrote this in her journal — and I have the original:

“I will do amazing things in the world, and I will suffer because of them.”

(You should know that Margaret Fuller, her husband, and her young child later died in a shipwreck off the coast of Fire Island in 1850.)

The last time I was with my mom, she said to me, “I’ve been running for class president every day of my life.” She died unexpectedly of a heart attack at 71.

I struggled with relentless anxiety and panic for much of my life and was addicted to Xanax for 18 years.

My teenage daughter is prone to panic attacks.

Two things run in our family: a fierce, success-driven mindset and often debilitating mental health struggles like anxiety.

So is the “problem” the anxiety? Is it a life cut short? Is it the fierce ambition? Or is it something else entirely?

Let’s break it down.

All behavior is a reflection of emotion. And all emotion is born from our thinking — either conscious or unconscious. And our thinking is born from deeper conditioned beliefs we carry about ourselves and the world around us.

What was it that motivated the women in my family to excel? Was it purpose? A desire to make a difference? A commitment to the greater good?

I’m certain all of that was in there.

But likely, it was also this:

A sense of self-worth that became dependent on certain conditions.

“I am okay if…”
“I am enough if…”
“I am valuable if…”

If people like me.
If I do things well.
If I am praised.
If I win.

How do I know?

Well, I can’t know for sure. But what remains true is that all of us down the generational line have suffered greatly. Stress. Divorce. Disease. Early death. Anxiety. Relational conflict. Chronic overwhelm.

Many of us became so accustomed to striving that quiet and ease almost felt unfamiliar. Like we didn’t know how to function unless there was too much on our plates.

The over-achieving came at a great cost.

When my girls were little, I lost my shit one day when my 2-year-old got excited about showing me a picture she drew.

She burst into the nursery where I was trying to put my baby down for a nap — eyes wide with excitement, waving a color-filled piece of paper through the air.

And I snapped.

Why?

Because she was too loud. Too unpredictable. She was getting in the way of me getting my baby to sleep — something I desperately needed in order to feel like a “good mom.”

And in that moment, I realized something:

I had to find another way.

I didn’t want to “suffer doing great things” like Margaret Fuller wrote about.
I didn’t want to run for class president every day of my life like my mom described.
I didn’t want to die young from chronic stress.
And I definitely — definitely — didn’t want to pass down this generational pattern of perfectionism, burnout, anxiety, and disconnection to my daughters.

We have a choice.

We can create a life that feels steadier, more grounded, and more peaceful. A life where our relationships have deep roots. Where our bodies are healthy and not constantly overextended. Where success no longer comes at the expense of love, presence, joy, rest, or connection.

We can build lives filled with purpose and ambition without sacrificing the things that matter most.

This is why I created the Calm Connection Accelerator™.

After I had my babies, nothing I found was offering a real pathway to this kind of life — not the therapy I received, not the medication I took, not the books I read, not the podcasts I listened to, and not the endless overthinking and overprocessing I engaged in.

And honestly, when I sat with my own clients as a therapist, I realized they were often limited by the exact same things I had been limited by as a new mom. And inside the four walls of a therapy office, I couldn't help them they way they needed.

The Calm Connection Accelerator is an innovative 12-week experience built around the things that actually create lasting change: community, mindset shifts, nervous system healing, emotional resilience, secure attachment, self-awareness, and deep connection.

It focuses on implementation and accountability, not just new knowledge, insight, and awareness.

It integrates evidence-based approaches to sustainable mental well-being and attachment-building. It helps strengthen a mother’s capacity to stay steady during uncertainty and unpredictability. And it supports women in developing a sense of self that is no longer dependent on constant achievement or external validation.

The women who engage in this experience don’t lose their ambition. They don’t stop caring about excellence. They simply stop believing their worth depends on proving themselves all the time.

It’s not therapy.
It’s more than coaching.
It’s a kind of mentorship — but one where women ultimately become their own mentors.

And in the end, not only do they thrive, but their children do too.

If this interests you and you’d like to book a call to learn more and see if you qualify, you can do that here. And, for the month of May (it’s mental Health Awareness Month!) we are offering a 33% discount for any mom who commits to herself in service of her children and family. If you’ve been on the fence, this is your sign.

Hope to connect with you soon.

Love,

Kate

BOOK A CALL TO LEARN MORE