Stop. Feel It. Lead From There. What You've Been Craving Has Been Inside You All Along.

When I tell you to let go of control, how do you feel?

Annoyed? Irritated? Confused? Terrified?

Many of us were raised to believe that if we aren’t in control, we aren’t okay. Because of this, we are on high alert—scanning the environment for things that might be uncertain and unpredictable. We’re geared up and ready to remove the “un” from those situations. To ensure that life is as certain and predictable as possible so we can finally rest in safety.

So we get our busy on. Always.

We don’t slow down. We see something that needs to be done and we do it. We are five steps ahead, while also calculating the experiences we’ve had over the last several decades of our lives. Our minds are always spinning—looking for solutions to problems.

At work, this makes us prized employees, successful entrepreneurs, well-paid CEOs.

In motherhood, this makes us… distracted. Anxious. Restless. Disconnected.

Without a doubt, the thing I hear most from moms is this:
“I just want to be more present. I just want to enjoy my time with my child.”

And yet… as smart and accomplished as these women are, they can’t seem to get there.

And that’s because of this one thing: they are afraid to let go of control.

They feel a need to control the future. To control their and their child’s emotions. To control their environment so it finally feels organized enough to rest.

Is this you?

It certainly was me… before I realized something profoundly life-changing.

Our children need to feel seen, heard, and understood by us in order to feel safe, loved, and unconditionally supported. They need this more than anything else.

And when we are striving for control, we slip out of the moment.

And it’s in the moment—in the being—that connection grows.

In real time, it looks like this:

Our baby is crying, and because they can’t tell us why, we frantically check their diaper, offer milk, rock them, shush them, maybe even call the doctor. The whole time, we are tense and tight and desperate because we are fighting for control of the situation.

The more out of control we feel, the more desperate we become.
The more activated our nervous system is, the more activated our baby’s is too.

Our toddler is melting down in the grocery store, and we desperately (oh so desperately) try to get them to stop screaming. We ask, “What’s wrong?” We try to distract them. We pick them up (sometimes ineffectively). We beg, plead, and bribe them to stop.

Our school-aged child is working through homework (why do schools give five-year-olds homework, anyway?!), and they are full-on freaking out. And we attempt to talk sense into them…
“Just look, it’s not that hard. Just do this.”

And in all of this—we are trying to control.

While what we need to be doing is letting go of our need to control and, instead, leaning in and connecting.

When we first connect with ourselves—

“Of course I’m feeling tense and tight and annoyed. This part of mothering is hard.”

—and then with our child—
“Of course you’re feeling sad, angry, disappointed. That feeling makes sense.”

—we initiate a shift in nervous system response from threat (fight, flight, freeze) to safety (rest and digest).

When we choose connection over control, we access what we—and our children—actually need most: safety.

When we slow down, feel all the absolutely normal feelings we feel, and lead from connection, we access the things we’ve been craving all along:

Time. Energy. Love. Joy.

So let me ask you again — If I ask you to let go of control, how do you feel now?

Inspired?
Motivated?
Curious?

Let’s lead from connection rather than control, and watch our world change before our eyes.