Women & Children are suffering And therefore our world is too

The pressure we are putting on women and mothers is setting us up for future world disaster.

Women are expected to “do it all” but what does that even mean? As women in the US and abroad, we are breaking glass ceilings, solving world problems, adding psychological and emotional perspectives to the social challenges that must be solved- all while giving birth or adopting babies and raising the next generation of world leaders.

Without outright instruction to take care of ourselves first.

Yes, we know: Self-care is important. Put our oxygen mask on first. Be kind to ourselves.

But these are just cliché ideas that aren’t woven into culture. We aren’t given the time. Or the support from society. The expectation that this is just what we will do, without second thought or needing “permission” isn’t there. Then, when we do put others aside for the moment so to meet our own biological, psychological, or social needs, we feel guilty because deep down inside we know that we have broken some underbelly “rule” -

The one that says “Good mothers/Good women” put others before themselves.

Too often, we step back from careers we love because those careers expect us to be available during “off hours” when we are focusing on our second job -that of raising our kids. When we finally fall apart because we are either fried to the core or we feel desperately sad at the loss of the parts of ourselves that exist outside of motherhood, people feel badly for us. Or they pity us. Or they see us as psychologically sick. Or people assume that we don’t love our children enough to want to be with them.

When really, what else do we expect will happen when the candle is being burned at both ends?

The world needs us as professionals and mothers. We are here to solve world crises. To invent life-changing technology. To lead towns and states and countries towards stability and peace.

But the world also needs us to raise the next generation of healthy adults.

And if we aren’t healthy, they won’t be either.

Maternal mental health issues like depression and anxiety can lead to unintended neglect and trauma in children. Which can lead these kids to their own mental health challenges.

Childhood mental health issues are a leading cause of adult mental and physical health issues. This research is beautifully encompassed in the ACE study, (Adverse Child Experiences) designed in 1995 by Vincent Felitti and Robert Andea.

The expectation of “good mothering” needs to shift drastically if we are to fix the problems that exist across the planet.

“Put your oxygen mask on first” can’t remain a cliché and ignored necessity. A “good mom” needs to be the one who is looking after herself first so that she can stay steady amidst the chaos of her home and work life. I call BS on this idea that a “good mom” focuses on the needs of her child before herself. This creates a culture of burnt-out women who feel chronically anxious and guilty. And this anxiety is being passed down to their children.

So, enough of the unrealistic pressures. Enough of the unachievable expectations. Enough of the shaming and pity for moms who end up requiring psychotherapy and medicine to stay steady while the world around them spins uncontrollably. Suicide is now the leading cause of maternal death in the USA.

The “good mom” is the one who says no to the things that negatively impact her biological, psychological, and social health. The Good Mom is the one who is willing to disappoint others before she disappoints herself. She is the one who rests. She is the one who spends resources like time, money, and energy on herself without feeling guilty because she knows that when she does this, her children, her work, and the world benefits.

The system must change before it’s too late.